Little Chance

My baby

With whiskers

And four little paws

Did you deserve a chance?

To live at all

Four kittens gone

And you still there

But yet it ended

As if no one cared

But I cared

I cared very much

With all my heart

I’d give it up

For you my little baby

With little black feet

For you are my darling

You deserve to see

But it wasn’t in God’s plan

And what plan is that

Who uses a baby for a thing like that?

To make my life harder

To use it as strength

Why use a living creature

To do such a thing

He was to be mine

A thing to cherish

But just like everyone else

God sees them as irrelevant

Easily disposed

And tossed aside

That’s human compassion

Perhaps I should consider suicide

But no I won’t

I’ll defile you all

I’ll save all the creatures

I’ll watch you fail

Humans deserve so much terror

For he was just a kitten

A little black baby

My baby

I hate human kind

For all they do

For my little black kitten

I write this for you

Forever you will be remembered.

Hopeless(Video)

I Hold Two Items

I hold two items

Drenched in blood

That I should carry to my grave

One has a barrel

The other a silver blade

On them both an engraving is written

Till death do us part

And as I kill with one or the other

I aim for the heart.

If I choose my pistol

A sign of mercy

Misery to end quick

Means I have no feelings

A death ill soon forget

But a shot from my barrel

Sometimes a sign of forgiveness

For the death is short and sweet

Not as painful or endless

Now shall I pull out my dagger

A sign of real emotion

Cause only those so close

End with such devotion

That I would take my time

To carve out their heart

That I would care so much

To make them suffer before we part

My dagger is a sign of love

In which the thorns have pierced

So choosing my dagger is an honor

An honor you should fear

One pistol

One dagger

Each in a hand

One for those that need it

The other for a lover and friend

Misery, I’m bound to

Like the blood on my blade

So whether its pistol or dagger

I’m always to blame

In my hands

I hold two Items

A Pistol

A Dagger

An endless reminder

That the way you are killed has more meaning

Than just a death

With no reasoning

Pistols and Daggers

Death to us all

With one shot, cut

Slit of the throat

I end your life

On that final note



My Deepest Apologies

Please don’t be so cruel

Who I blame is not you

For every little thing I’ve done

I’ve wasted my time

Precious moments and memories

That now you fill

It leaves such an empty place.

I do want to apologize

Wasn’t it an apology you wanted?

Here I go with the single phrase

I’m sorry

Not for what you think

Forgive me for yelling

For calling you such cruel names

I’m sorry for every time I got to you

That wasn’t my true intent

Sorry for every scar I left

And the bruises I may of caused

I apologize for making you stay

For at least this long

Forgive me for making you love me

And loving you back

I’m sorry I depressed you

At least back than

Now I’ll change it up

From sweet, to not

Once again, forgive me

For ever meeting you

Every time I tried to protect you

Forgive me for that too

I’m sorry for trying to make you happy

Or caring what’s wrong

Sorry for thinking I mattered

When you planned to leave me all along

I apologize for telling you everything

And thinking I could depend on you

Forgive me for always helping

When I thought you needed me to

Sorry I tried so hard

To take you everywhere

Thought you’d rather be elsewhere

Than your home

Sorry I wouldn’t abandon you quite like you did me

No matter how much you pissed me off

I’d be there until the end

I apologize for ever once thinking you loved me

Cause if you can leave, I mean nothing

Everything is there

All the Misery I’ve caused

All the things I shouldn’t regret

But you abandoned me

And I write this even than

Forgive me for this poem

Cause it’s just really sad

That the only way I can explain this

Is through words here and there

You never try to fix anything

And you’ll never get the chance

When I said you were spineless

Maybe you were just a dick

I’m sorry for calling you spineless also

And probably for that last comment too

As well as any to come

But I shall continue

These reasons why I don’t blame you

Cause it is my fault

For mistaken you as a friend

Believing I could trust you

That you’d be there until the end

I forgot to apologize for the one thing that started this

Sorry for hanging up

But you’d never yelled at me before

Way to make me feel more stressed

Then I already was

The meaning of all this

Is because you see no fault

Only in us do you see something wrong

For once I can say I shall not forget

And though we could be friends again

We won’t return to how we were

For my last words

I’ll never forgive you

For leaving me

Yelling and then blaming

I would have apologized had I made it

But you took it way to far

You knew how I was and you just quit

So don’t just blame me

It’s an all-around thing

The only part you missed

Is we didn’t abandon you

I can’t believe you’d leave

I’ll never forgive you

This feeling of betrayal

The realization you’d never truly be there

Cause all it took was a click of a button

For you to abandon me like that

I’m sorry I ever thought you better

I guess thats the end of that



With my Deepest Apologies,

A.R.B.

This I wish...

I wish to be engulfed in darkness
For darkness holds me close
I wish to sink to the bottom of the sea
Because the sea would not be so cold
I wish to cut my heart out
It’s easier than such misery
And I wish to close my eyes
To never awake, you see

Everything is but a wish
But wishes are hopeless causes
For darkness never holds me close
And I float instead of drowned
My heart stops the knife from my chest
And my eyes have too much will to open
So you see a wish is but a dream
So Misery you can cope with

Instead of wish I shall do
Do what isn’t so hopeless
I’ll get a knife and slit your throat
To kill two birds with one stone
Not only has darkness engulfed you
But your eyes have closed too
After that Ill cut out your heart
And throw you to the sea
I’ll put anchors to your feet
So you can sink
There goes your Misery
So you see, not just a dream
I’ve done what wishes couldn’t
And ended your life when you wouldn’t

Silver Dagger

Silver dagger, I hold so tight,
Show me the destruction I’ve caused tonight.
With a bloody reflection, I see it all,
the pain and suffering, the red on the wall.
Just a slit, or maybe two,
They fell to the ground, nothing new.
It was something I’d done before,
a different knife, another floor.
Over and Over, like a passing scene,
I love to watch it, I let them bleed.
Demented, I know, it must be true,
so much joy from the scarlet dew.
This type of scene, once I flinched,
But a couple more tries, I was over it.
Now misery is my game,
and this gory battlefield, my domain.
Silver dagger, I hold so tight,
Is it wrong to enjoy the sight?

Sweet, Bitter Misery

Deep as the sea that drowns me
Endlessly high as the blue sky
Even higher than the empty blackness in which I sigh
A journey that always begins
But never does it seem to end
We cease to succeed
In this we dream helplessly
Endless up
Endless down
Don’t you see
We aren’t meant to succeed
In this perilous journey
Beyond what eyes can feed
But continue we may
Till we all wither away
Deep as the sea
We float in an endless dream
In sweet bitter Misery

Watching Through My Eyes

It's as if I'm watching the world inside a cage.
Through my own eyes, I sit front row
Yet I have no control and can feel nothing,
but I know the thoughts within my mind,
Evil crupt thoughts, run through my mind.
I know that I'm trapped, that I have to stop this
but it's hard to fight the desire,
the desire to just not care.
Sad, my heart is blocked from interacting with my thoughts.
Blocked from feeling what I know I feel.
Even though I can remember I love someone,
I also realize, in this state, I could very well just dispose of them,
as long as I remain like this I'd have no remorse,
no pain, nor pleasure, just something to do.
Once I wake up, I'd feel an ache but not understand it either, most likely.
What is this that I'm watching myself do?
I yell, that in the end this will hurt me,
trying to convince myself to stop.
She hears me but fights back telling me my efforts are futile,
as well as comforting me with words to not worry and that soon I'll forget.
What is it that I would forget?
I never remeber everything.
Bits and pieces of a broken puzzle.
At some point during my caged moments, I disapear.
Into blackness, I disapear,
or maybe I just wake up in it, blackness that is.
I remember some if I'm lucky and at other times its as if it never happened.
I'll just regain my body and not put a thought to it.
Perhaps I just fell asleep,
but that doesn't explain the ever so often tears,
and if not tears then the never failing headaches.
Its normal, ok, perfectly fine, just a sad dream.
Only lately have I realized it's much more,
Even dangerous as I continue to discover, remember, and see.
Before my own eyes, I know I've watched myself within a cage,
but yet it is hidden away, safe from my eyes.
Then I recall those words to not worry, I'll just forget.
What was it that I would forget?
In my heart, with my eyes, I watched myself forget.

Rid of you Before you Rid of me

Understand this
I hate you
I hate the pain you cause me
I hate the love that you've lost from me
Once more you don't get it
Never have you understood this
This being my twisted reasoning
Don't mistake this as regret
I do not wish to regret
All I've done was quite well on purpose
I knew what you'd do
I know you so well
That you'd leave me so easily
Of course how ill
Even though I knew I did it so
You don't understand
Well let me tell you though
I doubt you'll still get it
But its worth mentioning
Sooner or later you'd leave me
Didn't think that be happening
So you believe this would of dragged on
I highly doubt it
After all I'm always right
Even when I wish I wasn't
I left you before you could do it to me
Its better this way
And trust me this is how it will stay
Get rid of those that will rid of you
Because it ain't worth going through

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BLACK TO RED

Green like emeralds finely cut
Her eyes finally had enough
Tears of black ran down her cheek
Leaving lines short and sweet
No longer did she give an attempt
To stop the tears, she was content
It was ok, for once, to feel such sadness
Never had I seen such gladness
To be crying tears like coal
But to have these feelings was like gold
In silence they fell
Without a whimper to tell
In silence they dwell
Leaving her skin so pale
Alone those black tears rolled
And this went on till it grew cold
Then what was once black turned red
As tears of scarlet flowed down like led
I had no idea it was possible
For her it seemed impossible
But I guess I wasn’t aware
Of the blood that came from there
The blood that ran like tears
It was worse than I feared.

My Voices

Lonely…Why don’t they answer?
Always there but now….Nothing
So lost in this darkened world
Shadows of unknown souls
Not very chatty so I’m all alone
My voices…where have they gone
Cries of pain from every direction
But which way
It’s cold
Very much so
But can’t stay still
I'm followed
Are you waiting?
For my fall
Run or don’t
Just walk fast
They feed on fear
Maybe I’ll skip
It’s too cold
I’ll just walk this way
Look a splatter
Red paint?
But there’s nothing to paint
Such a lovely color
Oh no, they’re on me
Don’t look, just walk
I can’t feel my toes
Whispers, my voices?
No, just from those shadows
Annoying things
Ouch! A scratch
But there’s nothing there
They did it
Red paint?
It’s the same
But I know it’s my blood
They want to devour me
Take my soul
Voices I need you
They are silent again
Where am I
It’s cold
Look a picture
Hanging in air?
It’s my house
And my parents are there
But that’s strange
I remember a bullet
Look a white ribbon
I love white
What’s on it?
My ribbon is red
Like the paint
But why?
A hole?
In my chest, I feel it
Look my dress
Some more scarlet
Mommy’s voice
In pain
Everything is black
There’s no white
I’m cold
My heart is beating
But it feels empty
Daddy, are you there
I hear you
Why are ya’ll screaming
I’m trapped, save me
Running now
They feel my fear
But they are scared
It’s cold
I see it
My home
The living room
It’s red
Like that paint
Why is it everywhere
Nothings white
It’s cold
The voices are back
They tell me what I’ve done
The shadows stay away
They are afraid
I wish I’d let them take me away

What is this?

What is this?
Words covered in ink
They drip from the tip of this pen like silk
It is as if it is unpredictable
What is written are words
Then turn into sentences
They give life to paragraphs
Soon leading to details
And it’s done
No longer just ink with a curl or two here
Maybe a dot there
No its more
Its life plus death
Even fire and earth
Water with in the air
Its rain that creates tears
And soon it’s all too clear
There’s pain then love
Hatred and a smile
What is this?
It appears to be words
Or maybe its truth
Or perhaps proof
In the end it was just ink
For no one could quite tell what it was
Oh well

Hopeless: Chapter 15

Running a tan hand through his already ruffled up brunette hair, West laid on Brook’s bed with a bottle of crown gripped in his other hand. He looked dead even though liquor did not affect him. It made him feel relaxed and gave him something to blame. “West,” spoke a sweet innocent but seductive voice from the doorway. His black eyes darted toward the beauty that stood leaning against the closed door. Her black silky hair covered her unclothed chest that was just as evenly tan as the rest of her glistening body. “Brook?” West spoke awestruck and dazed questioning if this was real. She smiled as her green eyes seemed to tease his tempted hormones that already seemed to be breaking at the seams. Completely unclothed, there she stood smooth and perfectly sculpted like everything he imagined. West tried to calm down but with cat like reflexes she was on him, inches away from his half opened mouth. Her breath sent all his senses in a whirl around him and he lifted a hand to touch her. “Isn’t this what you want?” She spoke with almost evil intent but he could not protest as her teeth met the side of his neck. Brook bit hard but only just enough to cause pleasure and not pain. He groaned in response and placed his hands on her bare hips just to realize he was touching her with no barrier. Brook straddled him with a purr as she licked up his throat, ever so often nibbling as she lashed out her tongue. He pulled her down on him and kissed her passionately on the lips. “Meow,” He pushed her away and just as he did, She vanished.
West came back to his senses to see violet eyes looking at him with disguise. “What?!” West glared back at the cat that seemed to be mocking him, unsure if she knew about his dream. By the look in her violet eyes, Misery defiantly knew. West groaned. Why did it have to be a dream? Why couldn’t she be straddled on him now licking more then his throat. Ok, he admits for that one he should be slapped but he couldn’t resist the thought of her just sucking every inch… “West!” He shot his black eyes back to the cat trying to prevent his mind from getting out of hand along with other things. “Never going to happen,” Misery purred with satisfaction and West tried to throw a over fluffed pillow at the annoying fur ball that was bent on mocking him. “Go get yourself laid!” The cat purred in response.
“Unlike you?” West gave the cat a smirk in a sense to show he was proud to say he had been laid not too long ago. He’d only done it to get rid of the pain of Brook dating another one of those endless guys. “Hopeless…” Misery spoke now looking at him seriously and no longer joking as she spoke. “I know,” The cat spat at him and shook her tail violently.
“No you don’t. It isn’t for the reason you think,” Misery crawled on his lap as West starred at her shocked she would make such a gesture. “It is Hopeless to want what you keep letting go,” West looked away from the cat’s violet eyes that dug deep in to him. “Keep letting go?” West knew exactly what Misery meant. As much as the cat distasted West, she trusted him with Brook. Though after that disturbing dream, she didn’t quiet know why. “Soon she will be completely gone and you’ll blame yourself,” Misery jumped off the bed and on the opened window sill. Misery shook her head. “I actually trusted you with her and believed you loved her but seems like I must save her again,” She jumped out the window, mumbling under her whiskers, frustrated over the dumbfounded ?West. “and I though demons were suppose to be smart,” West couldn’t believe he was agreeing with that evil cat who’s one intent was set on killing him. He shook his self awake and got up out of bed slowly getting his balance back. “Ill kill Austin if it is the last thing I do!” With that, West disappeared through the bedroom door.
Bella stood starring up at a neon sign that had only a piece of wire to hang on to. The sign said “Entrance to Hell” and that was probably exactly what it was. The actual entrance was like that of a subway’s. It had railing and stairs that lead into a dark tunnel. She took a deep breath and started to move towards it but a black cat fell from the roof in front of her. It gave her a brief glance with its violet eyes and darted down the stairway. She took one more breath. “Ok Bella. Calm down and lets go,” She followed the black shadow away from the creepy stairway to an even more creepy hallway. She pulled out a flashlight deciding which way to turn. “Meow,” The black cat’s eyes flickered in an attempt to guide her through the maze. Bella followed, not really noticing that it was Misery that guided her. As the continued making twist and turns, she noticed the dark cave like walls turn an orange tan color as it was illuminated by torches hanging from the walls. The flames flickered and danced on the stone but Bella was to engrossed on finding Brook. Bella and Misery came upon an actual room as they noticed the hallway ended and in its place was a huge rectangle sized opening. Misery peered behind the stone to see who was around. She hissed and Bella stopped in her tracks not sure why she was listening to a cat. “So what are we suppose to do with her remaining friends?” a voice Bella could not place spoke. The voice that followed though was hauntingly familiar and one that Bella didn’t know if she could bare to hear. “Austin doesn’t care about the others. He just needs Brook and that is it,” Bella gasped and put her hand over her mouth to stop from it escaping but Misery knew it was too late. They turned their attention to the hallway. Misery hissed in frustration but stepped out her tail flying around and she tried to appear cute. The cat knew what had made Bella gasp. Sam called to her and she ran up to him keeping them from searching for the unidentified noise. “Well anyway, I say we take her friends for are own fun. The half vamp may be a stick in the mud but I’ve never tried a Mexican witch,” the demon laughed and Sam slammed him against the wall in anger before dropping him as he heard a shocked cry. “Why…You…not…can’t….Why?” Bella breathed words out after each cry as she tried to convince herself to stay strong. “Bella,” He reached for her but she turned from him. This whole time it had been a lie and she trusted him. Sam just stared at her not sure what to do. He didn’t have any room to make an excuse and didn’t try. That only upset her more. The demon he had been chatting with had a friend next to him ready to kill her as she spoke one more time. “I’m Sorry Sam,” She smiled as fake as she could learning a little from Brook. At least she had one thing that Brook had that was useful.
Green, Black, Green, Black. The colors of their eyes that shone back at them through the Mirror. Sike stood tall in the large standing Mirror with Brook sitting next to him. He starred intensely into his eyes, then at Brook’s, then back again. “Black! My eyes are black,” He smiled proud of this most obvious knowledge that he had already known. “Yours are Green,” He marveled at Brook and her oddly shade of green. She looked back at them in the Mirror but they filled her with disgust so she turned to Sike’s reflection next to her. Sike with his light tan skin and his hair not a too dark shade of brown. Then there was those eyes. Black as coal just like West’s and that is what made Brook ponder. What if they were related? It just be another one of West’s many lies he kept stringing along. Brook could really care less now. She would forgive him if he would just show up. In fact, Brook would be pleased to know Sike was his son at least then he would have a true relative that she didn’t kill are drive to killing herself. Brook pulled him on to her lap and hugged him. Strange but she just felt like holding something that made her not feel useless. “Mommy?” Brook looked at him sadly. She didn’t want to replace Emma. “I’m glad you could be here with me,” He spoke sweetly. Sike knew she wasn’t his true mother but he was happy to have her as his mother. “I love you too, Sike,” Sike smiled as she kissed him on the forehead. He was the only thing making everything not seem so hopeless.